I read a lot of articles online - most of them are from Still Standing. Or I read an article on Still Standing which leads me to someone's blog which leads me to someone else's blog, etc.
But there's so much comfort to be found in the words of others. I find myself reading and nodding my head in agreement. Or blinking away the tears. Or wishing that person was sitting beside me and talking to me. These words connect us in the baby loss community because these are words from people who get it!
Because there is something important in these, I'm going to start saving the link so I have reference them in the future...
How Many Kids Do You Have? I remember reading this article when she first wrote it and it wasn't long after I answered that question and didn't include the triplets...It's made me realize how many times we ask others this question but don't know how difficult it may be for them to answer...
If the World Understood Baby Loss - This article makes me ache. It makes me ache because people just don't get it. And worse then that, I don't think many of them care to...
Where's Our Miracle
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
10.28.13 - Special Place
Day 28 - Special Place
A sugar maple tree is planted at my parents' house in honor and memory of Leah, Rachel and Gabriel. Having this place in their side yard, in the heart of the family, is a place full of life, a place full of love. I look forward to watching this tree grow, produce leaves, see the leaves turn beautiful shades of orange, see the leaves on the ground, and then repeat the cycle every spring.
A sugar maple tree is planted at my parents' house in honor and memory of Leah, Rachel and Gabriel. Having this place in their side yard, in the heart of the family, is a place full of life, a place full of love. I look forward to watching this tree grow, produce leaves, see the leaves turn beautiful shades of orange, see the leaves on the ground, and then repeat the cycle every spring.
10.26.13 - Community
Day 26 - Community
What does this community mean to you?
Having people, having friends, to talk to, vent, cry, people that just get it means so much. I hate that this community has to exist but I am glad that I have found support.
What does this community mean to you?
Having people, having friends, to talk to, vent, cry, people that just get it means so much. I hate that this community has to exist but I am glad that I have found support.
10.25.13 - #sayitoutloud
Day 25 - #sayitoutloud
If you could say anything out loud about your journey with grief with the death or your baby, what would it be? What do you want the world to know? Is there a cause that touches your heart that you want to raise awareness for?
My children are real! Truly, if I could say anything about to anyone, it would be a reminder, or the knowledge that my babies are real. They are real people. And while they're time here on earth was short, it doesn't dimish their lives one bit.
I just read in "Cross Roads" that Every human being is a universe within themselves. Your mother and father participated with God to create a soul who would never cease to exist.
If you could say anything out loud about your journey with grief with the death or your baby, what would it be? What do you want the world to know? Is there a cause that touches your heart that you want to raise awareness for?
My children are real! Truly, if I could say anything about to anyone, it would be a reminder, or the knowledge that my babies are real. They are real people. And while they're time here on earth was short, it doesn't dimish their lives one bit.
I just read in "Cross Roads" that Every human being is a universe within themselves. Your mother and father participated with God to create a soul who would never cease to exist.
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
10.24.13 - Artwork
Day 24 - Artwork
When we were in the hosptial, Pastor Jan gave us a sign that said "May every sunrise bring more promise and every sunset bring more peace." This resonated so closely with us at the time and continued to after their deaths.
One day this summer I really wanted to paint pottery, but didn't know what to paint. I decided I would try to paint a sunrise. (I'm not an artist. I express myself through music, NOT through drawing or painting. Most of my pottery paintings are stenciled or are more designs, not freehand, but I was feeling moved) I found a picture online that I used as my guide and I think the finished result turned out beautifully. It's a great reminder that even in death, even in grief, even at our low points, the sun still rises, God still grants us a new, beautiful day.
When we were in the hosptial, Pastor Jan gave us a sign that said "May every sunrise bring more promise and every sunset bring more peace." This resonated so closely with us at the time and continued to after their deaths.
One day this summer I really wanted to paint pottery, but didn't know what to paint. I decided I would try to paint a sunrise. (I'm not an artist. I express myself through music, NOT through drawing or painting. Most of my pottery paintings are stenciled or are more designs, not freehand, but I was feeling moved) I found a picture online that I used as my guide and I think the finished result turned out beautifully. It's a great reminder that even in death, even in grief, even at our low points, the sun still rises, God still grants us a new, beautiful day.
10.23.13 - Tatoos/Jewelry
Day 23 - Jewelry
A few weeks after Leah, Rachel and Gabriel died was Father's Day. I wanted to get Andy something from - or in honor of - the triplets and while I was searching for him, I came across The Vintage Pearl. They make BEAUTIFUL pieces and finally, after much consideration (including many reminders that this doesn't have to be my ONLY piece of jewelry ever - that they are my children, and I can remember them however I want with as many pieces of jewelry as I want - I decided on the "Golden Heart" necklace.
I was overwhelmed when it came and I opened it. It was beautiful and simple and perfect. I now wear it almost every day - it's how I keep them close at heart.
A few weeks after Leah, Rachel and Gabriel died was Father's Day. I wanted to get Andy something from - or in honor of - the triplets and while I was searching for him, I came across The Vintage Pearl. They make BEAUTIFUL pieces and finally, after much consideration (including many reminders that this doesn't have to be my ONLY piece of jewelry ever - that they are my children, and I can remember them however I want with as many pieces of jewelry as I want - I decided on the "Golden Heart" necklace.
I was overwhelmed when it came and I opened it. It was beautiful and simple and perfect. I now wear it almost every day - it's how I keep them close at heart.
10.22.13 - Words
Day 22 - Words
I could write and write and write about this one. I could share hundreds of quotes and scriptures, thousands of song lyrics, so I'll try to share the most important ones, or the ones that mean the most right now.
The lyrics to I Want You Here by Plumb have been in my head on repeat since I heard it perform it live and learned it was about a friend of hers who's baby died.
An ache so deep that I can hardly breath
This pain can't be imagined
Will it ever heal?
I want to scream "Is this a dream?"
How could this happen, happen to me?
This isn't fair. This nightmare.
This kind of torture, I just can't bear.
I want you here. I want you here.
I waited so long for you to come
You were here and now you're gone
I was not prepared for you to leave me
Oh, this is misery
I could write and write and write about this one. I could share hundreds of quotes and scriptures, thousands of song lyrics, so I'll try to share the most important ones, or the ones that mean the most right now.
The lyrics to I Want You Here by Plumb have been in my head on repeat since I heard it perform it live and learned it was about a friend of hers who's baby died.
An ache so deep that I can hardly breath
This pain can't be imagined
Will it ever heal?
I want to scream "Is this a dream?"
How could this happen, happen to me?
This isn't fair. This nightmare.
This kind of torture, I just can't bear.
I want you here. I want you here.
I waited so long for you to come
You were here and now you're gone
I was not prepared for you to leave me
Oh, this is misery
God, help me.
God, help me.
God help me breathe!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Another song that has meant a lot to me has been Not For a Moment by Meredith Andrews
After all You are constant.
After all You are only good.
After all You are soveriegn.
Not for a moment will You forsake me.
You were singing in the dark,
whispering Your promise
even when I could not hear.
I was held in Your arms,
carried for a thousand miles to show
not for a moment did You forsake me.
In every step, every breath you are there.
Every tear, every cry, every prayer.
In my hurt, at my worst, when my world falls down.
Not for a moment will You forsake me.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~Some quotes that have really stuck with are:
The agony is great and yet I will stand it. Had I not loved so much I would not hurt so much. But goodness know I would not want to diminish that precious love by one fraction of an ounce. I will hurt. And I will be grateful for that hurt for it bears witness to the depth of our meaning. And for that I will be eternally grateful. ~ Dr. Elisabeth Kubler - Ross
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Grief lasts longer than sympathy, which is one of the tragedies of the grieving ~ Elizabeth McCracken "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
If a mother is mourning not for what she lost but for what her dead child has lost, it is a comfort to believe that the child has not lost the end for which it was created. And it is a comfort to believe that she herself, in lsoing her chief or only natural happiness, has not lost a greater thing, that she may still hope to "glorify God and enjoy Him forever." A comfort to the God-aimed, etermal spirit within her. But not to her motherhood. The specifically maternal happiness must be written off. Never, in any place or time, will she have her son on her knees, or bathe him, or tell him a story, or plan for his future, or see her grandchild.
Still, there's no denyning that in some sense I "feel better," and with that comes at once a sort of shame, and a feeling that one is under a sort of obligation to cherish and foment and prolong one's unhappiness.
Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may revewl a totally new landscape. As I've already noted, not every bend does. Sometimes the surprise is the opposite one; you are presented with exactly the same sort of country you thought you had left behind miles ago. That is when you wonder whether the valley isn't a circular trench. But it isn't. There are partial recurrences, but the sequence doesn't repeat. ~ C. S. Lewis "A Grief Observed"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Another song that has meant a lot to me has been Not For a Moment by Meredith Andrews
After all You are constant.
After all You are only good.
After all You are soveriegn.
Not for a moment will You forsake me.
You were singing in the dark,
whispering Your promise
even when I could not hear.
I was held in Your arms,
carried for a thousand miles to show
not for a moment did You forsake me.
In every step, every breath you are there.
Every tear, every cry, every prayer.
In my hurt, at my worst, when my world falls down.
Not for a moment will You forsake me.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~Some quotes that have really stuck with are:
The agony is great and yet I will stand it. Had I not loved so much I would not hurt so much. But goodness know I would not want to diminish that precious love by one fraction of an ounce. I will hurt. And I will be grateful for that hurt for it bears witness to the depth of our meaning. And for that I will be eternally grateful. ~ Dr. Elisabeth Kubler - Ross
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Grief lasts longer than sympathy, which is one of the tragedies of the grieving ~ Elizabeth McCracken "An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
If a mother is mourning not for what she lost but for what her dead child has lost, it is a comfort to believe that the child has not lost the end for which it was created. And it is a comfort to believe that she herself, in lsoing her chief or only natural happiness, has not lost a greater thing, that she may still hope to "glorify God and enjoy Him forever." A comfort to the God-aimed, etermal spirit within her. But not to her motherhood. The specifically maternal happiness must be written off. Never, in any place or time, will she have her son on her knees, or bathe him, or tell him a story, or plan for his future, or see her grandchild.
Still, there's no denyning that in some sense I "feel better," and with that comes at once a sort of shame, and a feeling that one is under a sort of obligation to cherish and foment and prolong one's unhappiness.
Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley where any bend may revewl a totally new landscape. As I've already noted, not every bend does. Sometimes the surprise is the opposite one; you are presented with exactly the same sort of country you thought you had left behind miles ago. That is when you wonder whether the valley isn't a circular trench. But it isn't. There are partial recurrences, but the sequence doesn't repeat. ~ C. S. Lewis "A Grief Observed"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
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