It's been a week.
One week since we went through what may be the most traumatic event in our lives.
It was one week ago that welcomed our three beautiful babies into this world, and one week ago that we said goodbye.
I've been wanting to write this post for the past week, but it just hasn't felt right. Don't get me wrong, there will never be a "right time" to write this but I do feel it's important to write it. If for no one else, than for me.
My last post was from Tuesday, May 21st after we had a growth scan/ultrasound. The days after the ultrasound went on as every other day in the hospital. Dr. comes in around 6-6:30am to check on me, order breakfast, the Doctors make their rounds in the 8 o'clock hour (usually) where they ask if I have any question (rarely do we since nothing has changed) and if there's anything they can do for us that day (once again, not much you can do for me when you want me to spend the day in my hospital room/bed), then I'd spend the day watching the news, surfing the internet, reading, painting my nails, eating...anything to pass the time until it was bedtime.
On Friday, May 24th we went for another ultrasound - all was well. Our girls seemed to be very stable at TTTS Stage 1, and since the MFMs didn't think I was in any position to travel should we need the laser procedure, it was decided that we would only have weekly ultrasounds (we had been getting 2-3 a week for 3+ weeks...). While it was sad to hear that we would only see our babies once a week, we knew that this was good news because it meant that our babies were stable.
That same day, Dr. Wolfe (MFM) started conversations with us about "interventions" - monitoring the babies, steroid shots for the babies' lungs, delayed interval delivery - and also told us we would be meeting with a Neonatologist that afternoon (We were hitting 23 weeks on Monday and 23 weeks and 500 grams is when the Neonatologists can resuscitate the babies.)
We met with a Neonatologist that afternoon who gave us a lot of information on survival rates and severe disabilities. We knew that at our current gestational age, our babies chances of survival were still in the single digits, and it wasn't until 25 weeks that the percentage of survival hit the 50% mark. With all the information, though, we weren't giving up. We had made it two weeks in the hospital already, what was another two...or four...or six?!
After meeting with the Neonatologist, Dr. Wolfe came back to talk with us about:
1. Monitoring the babies - sounds like a good idea, right?! Begin monitoring the babies so we know that they're doing well. However, should something go wrong, we would have to act on it. Makes sense, right? But when you have to care for the well-being of THREE babies, you can't necessarily put one baby ahead of the other two. After discussing this with each other, we knew that 23 weeks wasn't the time to begin monitoring.
2. Steroid shots - If your body is going into pre term labor, they can give you a steroid shot to help the baby's/babies' lungs develop. The shot has to be given at least 24 hours before the babies are born and it's only "good" for 7 days. After discussing with each other and Dr. Wolfe, we decided we would do the first shot on Monday (when we're at 23 weeks) then she said we would do it again at 25-26 weeks and again at 30 (she said 30 weeks!!!)
3. Delayed Interval Delivery - It's exactly what it sounds like--one baby is delivered then they do all they can to STOP the next baby from delivering right away. Studies haven't shown this to always work. Sometimes it gives the second baby a couple extra hours, sometimes it gave many weeks. It is normally not offered for mono-di twins (twins that share a placenta - like our girls) but Dr. Wolfe said she was willing to try. We told Dr. Wolfe that should my body go into labor, we wanted to do all we could to try delayed interval delivery.
That was our Friday.
It was a lot of information to take in, a lot to discuss, a lot to read and while it might seem like a lot to decided, I'm so thankful that Andy and I have always been on the same page with all these decisions. So many times when we've been presented with something, we look at each other, one says "so I was thinking ________" and the other says "I agree." Having a supportive partner, who's been beside me every single step of the way has been the other way to get through everything.
That weekend was a little different than the others. Saturday was my 25th birthday and Andy did so much to make it special! He got me non-hospital food for ALL MEALS, took me for a "walk" (in a wheelchair), sat beside me all day long, then even watched a movie together that night (as uncomfortable as it is for two adults to cuddle in a twin bed). I can't say it was the way I had imagined my birthday if you had asked me a few weeks ago, but it truly was a special birthday. One I will NEVER forget.
After a wonderful Saturday, I woke up Sunday morning, around 6am (gotta love those vital signs!) feeling normal. I had breakfast, took a shower, I was excited to see my parents, in-laws and James later in the day. It was after the shower that I started feeling different.
I had been having contractions off and on for the past weeks, but they were never painful, it simply just felt like my stomach tightening. This morning, I was still having some contractions/tightening, but was also having the feeling of cramps - a feeling I hadn't had in months.
After awhile, the feeling wasn't going away so I called the nurse - Sheila. She told me to lie down on my left side, drink lots of water and asked Andy to write down the time of my contractions and she would be back in 10-15 minutes. I had about 3-4 more contractions in the next 15 minutes when another nurse - Kristen - came to check on me. She told Andy to keep writing them down and she went to go tell the Dr.
The Dr. (I don't remember her name...of course it wasn't someone I had seen/or at least remembered...) came in and decided I needed to go down to Labor & Delivery so they could monitor contractions.
The next 30 minutes were chaos. I was a complete mess, and was unable to stop crying. I was so scared. The last time we were in L&D for monitoring, my water broke. All I wanted was for Andy to hold me and tell me it was going to be OK, but the nurses had to move me to a different bed to transfer me down to L&D, then they had to move me to a different room and L&D. Getting an IV proved to be difficult for the nurses, which is unusual for me. Normally my veins are huge and very visible. Eventually they got it going and started a saline drip.
All of the Doctors on the floor then came in so I could meet them and to make sure everyone knew "the plan". The plan was to check on all babies, make sure they are OK, and to monitor my contractions. The Drs. explained that my contractions could be happening for many reasons - I could be dehydrated (I didn't think this was the case, I've been drinking at least 1 gallon of water a day for the past 2 months!) it could be a full bladder (I know, make sure you drink lots and lots of water, because being dehydrated could cause contractions, BUT, having a full bladder could also cause them! UGH!) or it could simply be my uterus expanding/contracting to make room for three babies!
After the Drs. left, my nurse, Melissa, told us that while we had every right to be emotional, that as of right now, there was no reason to worry. And to just remember that until something changed, there was no reason to worry.
Easier said than done. It took me awhile to calm down. Thankfully, Andy was beside me the whole time. As mentioned, our parents and Jamie were planning to visit that afternoon. Andy called them and said that now wasn't a good time to come, we needed to get the contractions under control. Because my parents were already up here, they decided to wait at our house until they heard more information.
Around 4pm, I was feeling better. I was still having contractions, but they seemed to be spacing out a little bit (they were now every 3-5 minutes instead of every 2-4...be thankful for the small things, I guess) so I asked Andy to call my parents and tell them it was OK to visit.
They showed up shortly and we had a great visit. They stayed for a few hours, talking, sharing stories, had dinner with us, brought up birthday gifts. It was nice to have a few hours of "normal" conversation with them. When they were there, Melissa came back to check the heartbeats, so they even got to hear all three heartbeats. (Which were great heartbeats!)
They left around 8'ish. And it wasn't too long after they left that the shift changed happened. In walked the new set of Doctors. One was a Dr. I remembered from our first time in L&D and Dr. Fuhrig (our favorite who I had gotten used to seeing every morning) were members of the team. They decided that even though my contractions were spacing out, they wanted to monitor me over night. As much as I would rather be back up in our room on MAC 6, I knew that staying to be monitored would help keep me "at ease" (at as much ease as I could be)
The nurse shift change happened shortly after, and in walked the nurse we had our first night in L&D. While we didn't like being on L&D, it was comforting to have familiar faces.
Andy and I tried to "relax"...we were reading, watching TV, not talking too much - there wasn't much to say that hadn't already been said. We tried sleeping. Unfortunately, every time I woke up, I woke up Andy and I started waking up every 30-45 minutes. I just couldn't get comfortable. I would try laying on my side, but that seemed to make the contractions feel worse. I tried putting my bed down, completely flat, on my side, but it wasn't much better. I tried propping my head up some, still only stayed asleep for 30 minutes before waking up again.
I did this off and on for a few hours. I would call the nurse/she would be in to take vital signs and she kept asking me if I was having any pressure. I told her I felt like I needed to pee, but every time I tried I couldn't. TMI ALERT!!! I don't know if I just didn't have to go, or if having to go with a bedpan was difficult. I mean, it definitely didn't make it easier...
After calling the nurse back a couple more times, I told her that something just wasn't right. I still felt the need to pee but couldn't, and I was starting to feel more pressure, which, I knew wasn't right/good. The one thought I do remember was noticing when midnight came and passed. Now that it was Monday, we were technically 23 weeks.
She quickly called on the Dr. and soon, Dr. Fuhrig came in. After explaining to her what/how I was feeling, she did a quick exam and said that it was time to meet Baby A.
Dr. Fuhrig said if I was a religious person, this would be a good time to pray. I told her I never stopped.
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